Tranquil Solitude !

Sunday randomness........

2011-06-19T02:48:00.000-07:00

Yankar pass trek 2005

2011-05-26T07:51:00.001-07:00

Yankar pass trek 2005, a set on Flickr.

HAr-ki-doon trek 2006

2011-05-26T07:50:00.001-07:00

HAr-ki-doon trek 2006, a set on Flickr.

walls......

2011-05-08T16:27:00.000-07:00

walls are too high..............no one wants to climb down, happy to peep inside and move on...............this is all you can get..........its your wall.......no one to be blamed.........

......but you can climb down and you'll own it......only if you want to own it.........this place wanted to be owned............ abandoned it is..............why had the walls to be so high.........why don't you bring them down...................but this is the place they call high wall, this is what this place is...........bring them down just so someone wants to own it?..........bring them down and let them be one with ground.........just a piece of land it is like any other land...............enough of your high wall, it has to be a land like other lands...............a land is a land is a land...........

no no no..........its not a land, its quicksand, didn't you realize why it had to be walled so high..............no one owns the quicksand, no one climbs down the wall on this land...............

2011-02-18T04:16:00.001-08:00

18/2/11

Sleepless in CST

2010-06-14T05:26:00.000-07:00

Waiting for train delayed due to Naxalism, at a station which had been hit by terrorism.........

2010-05-21T09:09:00.000-07:00

Another humid day passed by, started cycling towards Marine drive, liberating!!!!............wind on my face and train of thoughts didn't let me realize it was already 8pm by the time I reached Choupaty, I turned back deciding to stop at Naturals Ice-cream shop on my way back. Settling in a corner with my musk-melon icecream I tried to amuse myself looking at the mirror, a boyfriend waving at his girlfriend who didn't notice him as she was busy with her lipstick, another girl clicking photographs with her SLR and a known face to whom I managed to smile back.

Yet another evening passes by romancing with this city! I love Mumbai!

2010-04-16T14:00:00.000-07:00

Haven't been posting for a long time, I realise these two sketches are my first posting in 2010.........have started sketching regularly recently, hope I'll continue.......

2010-04-16T13:57:00.000-07:00

Baby elephant with Mamma (HB Pencil sketch)

2009-11-21T09:07:00.001-08:00

I do feel I have grown up very suddenly in past couple of years........for most of the girls this happens bit earlier in their life but since I am was the pampered kid without much influence of outside world (as I have very few friends) this transition came to me very late........

For guys, I think they never grow up :D I mean, sometimes I really feel you all are overgrown kids!

But its also true that girls unnecessarily complicate things (if that is called maturity)...I came across this cartoon, which was showing husband and wife lying in bed thinking, wife was trying to figure out what her husband would be thinking at that moment, she thought may be he is contemplating to dump me etc. and the man was shown looking at a lizard thinking what would be the trajectory if that lizard falls!

So I do feel that guys mostly live in the moment rather than girls who at the present moment are able to think about all past and future.........

I find it easier for me to bond with some guy instantaneously, but to bond with some girl, there has to be sessions of detailed talks, cribbing etc, and in my case more so because I have been so close to my sister, that from most of the girls I try to find that sisterly comfort.......And also there is this jealousy thing which I see almost absent in guys (unless there is some love issue involved!)..........

Shivneri and Lenyadri trek

2009-09-30T04:30:00.000-07:00

This was quite unplanned trek on sunday, 27th September but was fun, more so because it was much required break from my routine. From CST we took local train to Kalyan and from Kalyan bus stop we had to take bus to Bankar phata since no immediate bus to Junnar (town nearest to Shivneri fort) was available.

At first I was upset about traveling so long by bus but the route was pleasant surprise! Sahyadri ranges in full glory all along the way!

We got down at Bankar phata and a local vendor suggested us to visit Lenyadri Ganpati before Shivneri fort, which is one of the famous AshtaVinayak of Pune region, this beautiful temple is carved in the rocks.

It was almost 2.30 pm by the time we descended from temple and were so eager to reach Shivneri that we even skipped our meal. We could not get any vehicle to reach till Lenyadri Phata so we had walk long in the afternoon sun but the good part was that we saw many many fields of fruits and vegetables on the way.

Finally we got lift till the base of Shivneri fort and started our way to top clicking photos and enjoying the Sahyadri all around. It must have being a huge task to built such a fort on top of one of the most difficult mountain.

Not much of the Palace has survived just one apartment that is claimed to be the room in which Shivaji Maharaj was born still stands tall.
It was getting late as we had a five hour journey back to Mumbai, we missed few worth seeing points this time but on the whole the trip was awesome!

2009-09-26T10:18:00.000-07:00

Alone at sea shore........

2009-08-06T10:10:00.000-07:00

Long time since I posted any thing here..........just today while taking bath I was thinking I might just not write on the blog any more......its like venting your thoughts and feelings which you are unable to express to people mostly because either its just not the right time to say all that or they are not in the right mood to understand it the way you want to convey......
Well so I watched Love aaj kal........and had this surge of emotions and then an old friend reminded me of the song "Baawran man", listening to it, just the perfect mood for writing all this!
Baawre say is jahan may baawra ek saath ho, is sayaani bheed may bas haatho may tera haath ho, baawri si dhun ho koi baawra ek raag ho, baawre se pair chahe baawre tarano ke baawre say bol pe thirakna........
I don't know if this "perfect love" concept that floats around since God knows when (in context to the movie I just watched) has any truth in it.....at times I believe we are just running after this beautiful concept and want every thing to be just so perfect in the relationship, we just want to believe the other person is the exact missing part of the jigsaw puzzle that we are, and any thing less then that is heart breaking.......
In most practical cases that is not true, but then you love that person, so you want to be together even if things are not exactly perfect......you fall in love with that "bawaara man" feeling, but the ground reality is that you cannot remain in the "baawara man(BM)" state thereafter........but then it hurts, you want atleast there should be this person with whom you don't have to come out of the "baawra man" state and ironically this is the same person together with whom you have to face this world (so to say) so for real world matter, you have to come out of BM state........
Well, I guess I'm not making much sense so I should stop writing.........tomorrow will be a new day, hey, this is amazing, why is it always at nights that I'm stuck with such things!

2009-05-30T04:24:00.000-07:00

This is an old post of mine at Yahoo 360, now since they are closing Yahoo 360, I've posted it here:

Har-ki-doon trek 2006

Himalayas have great enticing power and once there, you can’t escape the charm of coming back again and again…….
So I was back to Himalayas, this year, Uttaranchal.
Our trek was organized by Youth hostels association of India in the Uttarkashi district of Uttaranchal.Here I go day-wise –
Day-1 Saankari (ht 6000ft )to
Juda talao(ht 8000ft)
The first day trek from base camp was relatively easier and we reached the beautiful camp site, famous for the little pond, in about 4 hrs.We had a bird watching session with experts .Don’t ask how many birds I could identify, I am pretty satisfied that I could at
least spot them!

Day-2 Juda talao to Kedarkanta
Now on to camp site Kedarkanta ( ht 10,000ft ) The trek was all in forest, we could see the magnificent Swargrohini peaks all the way and the Rupin range beyond which lies the Himachal. On the camp site we were greeted by large flocks of Sheep and googly-woogly kids! We reached there around 2 pm and just then it started raining with hailstones.We could see the peak, so near!

Day-3 Kedarkanta to Dundha The peak(ht 12000ft) which seemed so near, was indeed too far! Well, after a steep climb,we reached there around 9.30am .Everybody offered prayers at the little Shiva temple on the top. This is the place,according to Indian mythology where Lord Shiva cured Bhima, one of the Pandavas.
On the other side was the captivating view of Himalayas. Swargarohini, Kala parvat, Bandar poonch all standing tall covered with the glorifying snow.We could see all our later camp sites from there.
The trek ahead was all ridge walking so we had to be all the more careful.
Since we trekked in early May, we could see only yellow and pink flowers(my lucky charm, Daddaru!), later on many coloured flowers bloom in these mountains. We reached Dundha around 2.30 pm.

Day-4 Dundha(ht 10,500 ft) to Talhauti (ht 11,500ft) the most thrilling trek of the trail! Up to the lunch point we crossed some snow patches, the snow was melting and the muddy paths were very slippery. After the lunch point real adventure began! We all tied slings with Karabiner and were ready to traverse the snow covered steep side of the mountain.We had expert guides, snow cutters and experienced mountaineers with us but since ours was the first group of the season, they were a bit surprised by the path. They had only two ropes, so first they moved our batch of 32, onto the front rope, opened the back rope, tied it again in front with the ice axe and so on…..this all took a long time and we had to stand at a single spot in snow for over 30 minutes! Chilly winds were blowing and sky began to overcast…............ to ease myself, I started singing (yelling at the top of my voice!)all the Patriotic songs I could remember, everybody else joined too, those were really the most memorable 30 minutes of entire trek !
Ahead of this,there was snow but not so steep path, so we traversed without ropes.
By 4pm, the snow was over but it took some one and a half hr. to reach the camp site through steep descend.

Day 5 From Talhauti to Lekha thatch(ht 9000ft) we started quite late in the morning as everybody had the impression that the next camp site is not too far. After long descend in the forest, we reached our lunch point along river Shian gadh. After lunch the guide informed that due to land slide, we’ll have to take the uphill route. Now began the 60° ascent .By 4 pm we reached tea point, still no idea how far lies the camp……we crossed the forest, the village, the fields, at last by 6 pm we reached the thatch.

Day-6 Lekha Thach to Seema(ht 8,500ft) the smallest trek,atmost 3 hrs. I was very tired from the previous day trek, so could not enjoy this one much.Camp site was along the river.

Day-7 Seema to Har-ki-doon(11,200 ft) I had a bad, bad running nose…..entire trek I was busy with tissue paper L Well but the trek was beautiful, through grain fields,Shoopen river running deep down, beautiful water falls in the way, glacier, Har-ki-doon peak always in view, sometimes clear, sometimes covered with clouds….….
Now, Har-ki-doon valley, this is heaven!! first peak of Swargrohini seems so near, streams of Har ki doon gaadh ,the river, flowing carelessly everywhere, as if a child playing in his own backyard! Moon rising in the east, almost full, Snowy Swargrohini is changing colours with the setting sun, golden to orange to pink to blue…….
Star studded night, so beautiful and Jupiter, I can touch it man!

Day-8 Har-ki-doon to Seema Same trek back, lovely!

Day-9 Seema to Taluka(7500 ft) Our last camp site before Base camp, upto Lekha Thatch the same route, reached here by 3 pm, tents along the river side. Land slide had occurred here, large uprooted trees still lying…..the motorable road was broken. YHAI has built small wooden bridge on the river; this has helped the villagers as well.

Day 10 Taluka to Base camp Ours is the route opener, pioneer HD1 batch, so the field director came to welcome us, finally base camp,this is it!

“Har-ki-doon beautiful, HD1 successful !”

“kabhi deri kabhi soon, phir bhi pahuche Har-ki-doon! “

Trekking is much more than just the route,the site,the view…..and trekking in National camp of Youth Hostels is a much greater experience, hopefully I’ll write about that soon!

Thursday May 25, 2006 - 09:00am

2009-05-27T01:20:00.001-07:00

Blowin' In The Wind

How many roads must a man walk down
Before you call him a man?
Yes, 'n' how many seas must a white dove sail
Before she sleeps in the sand?
Yes, 'n' how many times must the cannon balls fly
Before they're forever banned?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

How many years can a mountain exist
Before it's washed to the sea?
Yes, 'n' how many years can some people exist
Before they're allowed to be free?
Yes, 'n' how many times can a man turn his head,
Pretending he just doesn't see?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

How many times must a man look up
Before he can see the sky?
Yes, 'n' how many ears must one man have
Before he can hear people cry?
Yes, 'n' how many deaths will it take till he knows
That too many people have died?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.
(From Bob Dylan’s “Blowin’ in the wind“, 1962)

2009-05-19T03:29:00.000-07:00

Do you always have to explain your thoughts to your near ones.......I was never used to this, never had there been a need to explain my intentions to my family....it feels awful state of entrapment when someone who is expected to understand you demands such explanation.....

2009-05-10T00:26:00.000-07:00

When people say that they don't need any religion, I always think of this famous bhajan - “Vaishnav jan to tene kahiye je peer parayi jaane re”, look at this beautiful idea and how it defines a Vaishanav (follower of Vishnu). Merely repeating few shloka every day doesn't makes you religious unless you have compassion and love for all. These are the beautiful facets of religion which facilitate harmonious existence of human being. Why do you look at people who don't understand the true meaning of religion and simply follow it as fanatics. Why do you blame religion for its wrong interpretation by people who just do not want to think, it is like blaming physics for making atom bomb a possibility instead of blaming people who used it for destruction. If the atom bomb is used for destruction, it was act of twisted human brain, so also if religion is interpreted wrongly, its due to human nature (human vices so to say).

In the same context I'd say that philosophy of Sri Ramakrishna which many people do not know and simply discard it before wanting to hear of it, is perhaps the most appealing thing to any thinking human being. Here I'm quoting Swami Vivekananda -' This is the message of Sri Ramakrishna to the modern world: '' Do not care for doctrines, do not care for dogmas, or sects, or churches, or temples; they count for little as compared with the essence of existence in each man, which is spirituality; and the more this is developed in a man, the more powerful he is for good. Earn that first, acquire that, and criticize no one for all doctrines and creed have some good in them. Show by lives that religion does not means words, or name, or sects, but that it means spiritual realization. Only those who have attained to spirituality can communicate it to others, can be teachers of mankind.''

Eating non-vegetarian food, performing elaborate prayers etc. are just peripheral parts of a religion. Why do we need to entangle ourselves in such trivia. Its my personal choice, it might be based on prejudice or on the environment I've been brought up and it might be wrong on my part to think that animals should not be eaten. But why the whole fuss about it? This is where we loose sight of actual thing, Hinduism or for that matter any other religion is not just about this. Its about realizing answers to the eternal question every thinker has asked about the existence of this whole world including ourselves, it is about harmony between mind and body, it is about ever evolving as a human being.......

And if you say that religion is complicated, so it is misinterpreted, so it is wrong to have religion, then it is equivalent to the denial of all secular and spiritual knowledge that is obtained by putting in efforts. I do not know if ever there has been a thing which could be understood without thinking.
As far as I understand, religion along with secular knowledge is just the expression of this wonderful ability of human beings called “thinking”.......

I ask a question, and I am looking for its answer, someone suggests an idea, I go about it to see if it actually leads to any solution........If its said that God exist, or as in the advaita philosophy that ultimate reality is the 'bramh' (this is different than the mythical God bramha) then I have to realize it for myself. So where does the blind faith thing comes from? Blind faith would have been if one just sits assuming that God exist and never care to find it for oneself. And if you say why do I even care to test their idea, so they are the only people who say that they have an answer. Its similar to the incidence from the life of Swami Vivekananda, he used to go about asking every one that ''have you seen God?'' and Sri Ramakrishna was the only person who answered in affirmation, and not only that, he asked Vivekananda to realize it for himself.

Its like reading to any contemporary philosopher, you read them and pick up only those ideas which appeal to you........I am no authority to claim any thing about religion, this is how far I understand, and however little I know, I find these ideas very beautiful and very useful for evolving as a human being, so I acknowledge that I appreciate these ideas, that I appreciate Hinduism in its right interpretation. Why should I shy away from calling myself a Hindu because of fanatics who do not understand it and have misinterpreted it. I appreciate ideas of science and I'm pursuing them so I'm called a scientist, similarly I'll be called a Hindu. If being called a Hindu on this basis is casteism then being called a scientist is also casteism.

2009-05-01T17:08:00.001-07:00

Life of late makes me think a lot.......sometimes I feel I do a lot of unneccesary thinking.....what quantifies thinking? Is there a critical limit to thinking on any particular issue, like thinking beyond will give unphysical solutions! Why isn't life like physics, all so rational and neat.....I think physics is the beauty of the mathematics of nature.......physics is the aesthetic part! But then there is maths tied up to everything, it makes my mind swirl with amazement how do people discover or say create new areas of mathematics.....I don't know a thing about mathematics research but I'd certainly like to know....here in my institute I can catch hold of mathematicians but I don't know how to frame this question of mine and also that I am bit shy to ask it.........
But I think I'll surely get a chance to know it.......this is what I like about being here, this place is really cool, in every sense of it! :)
Well, so I was writing about me thinking a lot, this has actually disturbed my biological clock as I lay awake till early morning thinking God knows what....I mean, I don't even remember it the next day on rising from sleep........some days back I had written what I was thinking, I'll post that also here.......I think it'll be fun to read these postings on my blog 5 years down the line.....don't know if then I'll have time......
One of my seniors suggested that to get your biological clock on track again, just don't sleep for one night.....so may be I'll do that today! Its already 3.15 am........
but during this time, if I talk to people, I feel that I'm not very coherent.....so may be whatever I think during such sleepless nights (let me mention here that I'm not sleep deprived in any sense since I get up just before lunch) is just some random haze with not much meaning.......or actually unnecessary and redundant thinking, I don't get any new insight out of such “sleepless night thinking syndrome”. Does anyone reading this blog suggest I should visit a psychiatrist to straighten this abnormality! But first let us see if not sleeping for one night helps.......just for your information, this is not the first time its happening to me, there have been many times when my brain goes into this hyperactive mode and doesn't let me sleep, that is what I term that my BP(brain pressure!) goes high.....I don't know if it happens to others as well, I haven't talked to anyone about it, I think others are too disciplined and sincere towards their work that they don't let it happen.....
And I also observe this contrast about myself, either I am too energetic or too lethargic, and this I observe about my closest friend also, and also about my father........we are not most efficient in energy management..... I think its probably because we are not trying hard enough to overcome our inertia......
And since I am writing all thoughts that are coming to my mind now, I think every girl falls for the man who reminds her of her father and perhaps the converse is also true!
My room mate has not returned yet, has she gone over to some relatives or working awfully late? We are not talking for over a month now and since it is not making any difference in our respective lives this thing continues, I find this more convenient........I don't know what she thinks about it......does she want to make things normal again? Does she want me to say sorry or something? I don't know, I may be sounding insensitive, but I think not talking is better than talking for the sake of it.......well, she's back now......
on day break I shall go for a walk.........I am hungry and don't have anything to munch.....some 2 hrs 15 mins from now, the bus stand canteen will open, so I shall go there......I had asked few friends to join me for a trip to SG national park on Sunday, that was a part of my urge to run away from this unruly routine of mine, but no one seems interested, may be I'll go alone.....but after not sleeping tonight it won't be a good idea.....this weekend is strange.....mostly on weekends I'm not free, this time I'm free but can't visit anyone as they are either busy or out of town.....
Now I'm feeling sleepy, but I have to be awake for this experiment on my biological clock! Sleep, is so enigmatic! Of late I've not noticed it, but I used to experience this that before sleeping when you lie in bed thinking, you feel that you are thinking but if you pause for a while to recollect the last thing you thought, it would be very incoherent and meaningless, thats when sleep catches up......
And one more thing, when having any argument, I seem to blank out in the middle.......just when I am in the middle of it, it seems so meaningless and that time you just don't know how to stop it.........only thing that comes to mind is to stop the whole argument but you don't know where the stop button is........I don't like them but they just happen..........I don't know how I should deal with them...........I often think we should write letters expressing our concerns rather than arguing on phone so that atleast we are more coherent and comprehensible in our statements......
Its 4, still 2 hrs to dawn..........what should I do now.......I wanted to study magnetism this weekend, with this sleepless night, I don't know if I'll be able to study today, but if it helps to cure my unruly routine then its worth it........this is a strange day......I remember doing it once long back when my mother had urged me to study and I studied whole night and didn't sleep at all......that was when I was preparing for IIT-JEE......after that I haven't put much efforts in any thing I've done..............Its about time I start working hard.....I really have to do a nice PhD........all since class 10th I've been thinking, now I'll do good, now I'll do better.......but I haven't been satisfied..........and this is the last chance........there is not much left in your hands after a mediocre PhD.......
What else, just to keep myself awake I'm writing all this........should I read a book, but my eyes are strained( I'm not looking at the screen while typing this, screen is tilted at an angle which is lighting the keyboard, since my roommate is sleeping I've switched out lights). Should I meditate......I'm sure to doze off while meditating........actually I'm not very sure of what is meditation. At our school, they used to teach us to sit still and just observe our thoughts without adding to it, in that sense what I'm doing now is also meditating, but perhaps I'm attaching my mind to whatever thought is appearing.......I don't understand what is non-attachment to thoughts? What is it that generate thoughts and what is it that we have to detach from thoughts while meditating? Other than that at some yoga class they asked us to chant “Om”......I've not meditated as such anytime, I sit for prayer though, prayer is like talking to God, I used to feel very connected to God and felt them as family, so I sort of poured my heart to them in my prayers, talking about any and everything....but now I don't feel that connected........they say religious faith must be kept to oneself and not discussed, but writing it down makes it clearer in my head so I've written this......why I want to publlish it on my blog I don't know....this writing can just sit on my computer.......but writing on blog gives a sense of being true, expressing things what you could not have while talking to someone..........I express it better in writing.....I am not much fond of talking such things......in fact I get tired if I have to talk for long...these days most of the talking that I do is over the phone.....other than that, I feel exhausted after talking to anyone without purpose.......
its still just 4.30 am......I don't need to keep writing I guess, I'm tired......what should I do till dawn?
May be I should arrange the notes and books that I want to study........or just relax my mind a little.........
Signing off.........

4.40 AM, 2nd May

2009-05-01T17:07:00.002-07:00

While a kid, we are too happy to think and once we get into rut of family and job, we are too busy to think......so all these thoughts just come to the loners in their 20's........may be all this will get solved for me if I stop thinking......
At times I get too frustrated with all this......I've grown up in a religious family, where spirituality is highly esteemed.....till just two years back I was a devotee.....and now here I am, every bit confused........I read Geeta and about the Karma yog which says “yogah karmasu kaushalam” but now I don't even know if I want to attain it, I wanted to attain it two years back.......whats with it now......what has changed.......was it that I had simply mugged them up as lessons for life without understanding them..........is it that I need to retreat in solitude to find what I want in life, or rather how I want to live my life.........
These are things I've not spoken to anyone till now.......might be that on moving on in life I don't keep beating around these questions and just take it as it comes, but then I don't want to leave them unanswered..........Either I get answer now, or I move ahead forgetting the questions or I seek answer as I move along.........
This is the question I've had from as long back as I can remember.........what is this whole business of universe about? Why does it exist, what is the purpose? Is every thing that exists just the curiosity of the creator (if one exists) about himself..........
Well, even as a child it was hard for me to believe Ram and Krishna who do not even have historical proof of existence, but ya I believed Shri Ramkrishna, our thakur, and Ma, their personalities are so amazing, you can't help but love them when you read about them......so I just took from there that realizing God is the aim of life, or more specifically, I took from there the idea that God exists, if someone like this existed, my aim would certainly have been to realize it, so this it became.......
The idea that I had been so dearly holding on to has not proved itself to me......and I'm thus confused, I still pray to God to clear this haze!
The only thing I can do for now is to do whatever comes my way with all sincerity......
how did they say all those who understood it, did it? Why don't someone suggest some foolproof experiment to establish existence/non-existence of God.....like in physics, if someone predicts the existence of some particle, they even find it out on doing prescribed experiments.......and then I read this book - “phantoms in brain” which says that those who claim to have seen God, there mind has been mapped and on simulating those same regions of brain of ordinary people, they also experienced similar sensations(of seeing God)........so is it just, as they say, “all in our head”?
Or even forget about God, will we be ever able to know why is all this universe business up around? Or there is some axiom like that, this set of equations cannot be solved because number of equations is less than number of variables..........
All this music, art, literature, nature.......to which I'm much attracted, seem to loose attraction when I'm attacked by this question about what is the purpose of life, how to live it.....but one thing I'm sure of, this human life is very precious, I don't want to waste it, I want to live it to the fullest, how, I might not know............
It is actually like a mid-night fit.......its past 3am...I must sleep now, I know I'll be normal when I wake up tomorrow morning.......

2009-05-01T17:07:00.001-07:00

Random memories of long long back...........

I still remember those summer vacations (most certainly I was less than 8 as these memories are of old house) when we would stroll in the night after dinner and once I saw a shooting star, “tuta tara(in hindi)”, and I actually thought that stars were this object with five pointing arms(ofcourse 3D!) and one arm fell off.....and imagined if I ran and searched around the colony, I would find that hot arm half sunk in mud......that moment......I so much wanted to run but did know where......
I used to beat the metal caps of bottles and tried to turn them into coins from ancient ages! And once when we had visited Mandu, in Madhya pradesh when I was 8 or 9, I sneaked to old mahal, unaccompanied, in search of treasure.........and there later I had found pottery shards and my heart swelled with pride of possessing the antique, but not for long as my elder brother and sister submitted it to the museum.........
I used to be scared of dogs, but invariably every season, I used to pick up puppies and bring them home and once there was a black puppy with white tipped tail, I so much loved it, I named it “Hela”, all the other puppies used to run away after 2-3 days, but this one stayed on, so Papa arranged for its vaccination, myself and a house help took Hela in a rickshaw continuously for three days for vaccination, but then this one also ran away........I was so upset, I searched all over the colony, even the neighboring colonies.......at night I even cried, then Papa also came with me and searched Hela....but we didn't get it back......I still remember, I used to get dreams that when I get up in the morning, I'll see him on the door wagging his white tipped tail........
And I also remember and think that I'll never forget my best friend, The Jamun tree.........earlier when I could not climb it, I used to spend all summer afternoon on the boundary wall hanging around it, then when I started climbing, I used to go up there with my school bag, tiffin and water bottle, I've even studied for my class seventh final exams sitting up there! And one monsoon, there was such terrible wind.....large parts of our tree got broken, whole branch laden with unripe Jamun came down, every one was very sad that evening........and now that house belongs to someone else and I avoid passing by that lane..................they have cut all the branches of my Jamun tree and its trunk stands there as a testimony of the grand tree it was........

2009-05-01T17:06:00.001-07:00

Letter from a “Gramya-Bala”(village girl)

I set myself to write this with the assumption that the friend who's connected to this story either never reads this or doesn't minds it much. Well although he didn't want it to go public, I am feeling so compelled to write that with apologies to him, here it is -

One fine day a friend of mine gets an email from a girl claiming to be a resident of some remote village and that she has come to know of him from some social networking site. She has apparently not stopped looking at his photo since then (she mentions this first place!) and now mails him with following details - 1) she is simple village girl, 2) she can speak 3 languages, 3)she has a passport, 4)she's the “only” daughter of her parents, and her “only” brother is well settled and finally 5)she wants to offer her “friendship love” to him, asking for his “recent” photograph!

Now this could have been routine case of silly infatuation, but the twist is that the email id suggest some male name, and believing her that she has just passed school, all this information look so professional and business like.(I use this word not wanting to use other appropriate (offensive) word!)

In another mail she also sends her photograph, apologizes for bad English as she's a “village girl” and admits mailing from her father's account, never forgetting to mention her “friendship love” (whatever it means!) and ending the letter with - “your's ( her pet name)”. By the by, she does looks simple, just out of school girl in her snap.

Now I seriously doubt that this is the father who's trying to trap an eligible bachelor, but then its so mean for him to write on behalf of her daughter such juvenile things.........ah....... Or if this is actually the girl, why doesn't she mail from her own account? And does she has nothing to do after her schooling other than helping her parents find her a groom?

Well this is the story so far about the letter from “simple village girl”, I can keep you all posted about further proceedings until my friend or the other concerned party finds out about my blog!

2009-03-27T06:32:00.003-07:00

I'm feeling terrible.....and I want to tell you this..........

I'm feeling broken......and I want you to know this.........

It embarrasses me to say that I'm feeling weak and low.......

Would you not open your arms when you hear this ?

Or would you turn away blaming me for it.....

2009-03-27T06:32:00.001-07:00

Down the cheeks they go, making you think of those days....

Days of innocent chirrups, of quarrels and laughters...

Days when you had someone to listen your blabber....

Days of being together with all whom you called your own.....

all those who opened their arms with love and assurance....

Days when you were home..........

2009-03-27T06:30:00.000-07:00

You better do things right here.

A slip and down you go.....

Be happy or fake happy.....

Thats all required here.

2009-03-01T00:24:00.000-08:00

Padmabhushan Dr.N Rajam signing autograph for me!

2009-02-27T23:09:00.000-08:00

Painted last night........its with acrylic colors, and since I bought only green, blue and white color (for some weird reason!) I had no other option.......
Please post comments for improving...

2009-02-20T07:12:00.000-08:00

I know quite clearly what I want out of life. Life and my emotions are the only things I am conscious of. I love the consciousness of life and I want as much of it as I can get. But the span of one's life is limited. What comes after death no one knows. Nor do I care. Since, therefore, I cannot increase the content of life by increasing its duration, I will increase it by increasing its intensity. Art, Music, Poetry and everything else that I do have this one purpose - increasing the intensity of my conciousness of life.
- Homi Bhabha

2009-02-17T03:38:00.000-08:00

Ah......... thought of meeting her is overwhelming!!.......grown up listening her music.....I never thought I'd be able to meet such towering personalities of classical music in person......can't stop smiling :)
More on this after 19th!!

2009-02-09T08:44:00.000-08:00

Clip of few pics of Dholavira, ruins of 4000 year old Harrapan city in Kutchh, Gujrat.

2009-02-07T04:48:00.000-08:00

सूखी हवाओं से गिरते खड़कते पत्ते ,
जाती हुई ठण्ड की अलसाई उनींदी दोपहर......

सूने रास्ते, चाय और रेडियो पर गाने,
अकेली शाम से पहले की अकेली दोपहर.........

2009-01-21T08:18:00.000-08:00

Its those days again........
Under the deep blue sky and chilly wave
I walk on.....to no one nowhere..

on the other side of mirror
stands an unknown person I'm trying to befriend
hello.......echoed......and no answer again...
I find myself talking to no one nowhere....

I thought I was speaking and listening...
I thought I was thinking and understanding.....
But it was a dream, woken up to find no one nowhere....

2009-01-11T00:33:00.000-08:00

The Quarter-Life Crisis
by unknown

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may or may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.

You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.
from : http://www.cds.caltech.edu/~shane/text/quarterlifecrisis.html

Year end........

2008-12-30T01:12:00.000-08:00

It has been real long since I wrote on my blog……….

Well, so right now things are not going very fine……….with my buddy, my sonny boy, my kiddo (yes, that’s my laptop!) got comatose and another good friend, my mobile phone got stolen in front of my (un-lensed) eyes…….oh, un-lensed because I broke my glasses and had to part with my companion of three years……..huh……December was tough! Now that the New Year approaches, I guess things will change for better…….

And then in past 4-5 days, I’ve read three books back to back, “Phantoms in the brain”, “Rasyatra – Autobiography of Pt. Mallikarjun Mansur” and “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time”. The last time I read books in one shot was another year end, in Mumbai itself………..I guess this is my support mechanism against year end blues!

So its my fifth New-year in Mumbai, although I’ve started living here just past six months, have been visiting this wonderful city for long……some really amazing memories of growing up. (Ok, I’d really call it growing up even though I first came here when I was 19, so if you see that 19 to 24 is “growing up” for me!!)

2005 came in for me at the Terrace of HBCSE, with all night singing and hysterical laughter with friends! 2006 came quietly at LTT railway station waiting alone for my train, 2007 was all religious affair as we all friends visited places of worship of many religions at Navi Mumbai and in came 2008 with a bang with me going to a bar for the first ( and as of now last!) time!!! No specific plans for New year eve this time……Praying for humanity and mother earth, I wish to bring in 2009………

2008-09-09T04:33:00.000-07:00

Saw it go out of hands when someone wasn’t vocal about likes/dislikes just to maintain harmony....things that person disliked got routine, set into the rut of household without anyone even realizing it....
Now, being in the ‘vocal generation’ going towards the other extreme, things going out of hand again……searching for the ‘golden balance'....
Never realized these prejudice and insecurities before....

2008-09-07T07:58:00.001-07:00

You keep telling me about that place..

From your stories and disconnected tales,

I imagine and try to complete the picture.

I don't know if I know that place enough...

I'll walk there and explore it for myself.

Sometimes I doubt if I know the way.....

But I'm sure I'll find it one day!

2008-09-07T07:42:00.000-07:00

What makes you feel close to someone, does it need efforts from your side to come close to someone or it just happens spontaneously..........is it the matching of frequency of thoughts.......but thoughts keep changing, thought patterns keep changing......

Or there's 'one thing' that clicks with you, that satisfies some vague psychological need of your and vice versa..........but this need or that 'one thing' might change..........this sounds selfish but what do you do when you start loosing connection on these grounds..........

Beside family, there are very few people I've felt such connection and I confess, right now I feel disconnected even with them, and there are friends whom I have no agreement of thoughts, but still I know that they are there for me and I am there for them.......

2008-08-01T06:01:00.000-07:00

I have no special talents, I am just passionately curious.

-Albert Einstein

2008-07-29T08:41:00.000-07:00

In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
From the mountains of faith
To a river so deep

I must be looking for something
Something sacred I lost
But the river is wide
And it's too hard to cross

And even though I know the river is wide
I walk down every evening and I stand on the shore
And try to cross to the opposite side
So I can finally find out what I've been looking for

In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the valley of fear
To a river so deep

And I've been searching for something
Taken out of my soul
Something I would never lose
Something somebody stole

I don't know why I go walking at night
But now I'm tired and I don't want to walk anymore
I hope it doesn't take the rest of my life
Until I find what it is that I've been looking for

In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the jungle of doubt
To a river so deep

I know I'm searching for something
Something so undefined
That it can only be seen
By the eyes of the blind

In the middle of the night

I'm not sure about a life after this
God knows I've never been a spiritual man
Baptized by the fire, I wade into the river
That runs to the promised land

In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the desert of truth
To the river so deep

We all end in the ocean
We all start in the streams
We're all carried along
By the river of dreams

Billy Joel - River Of Dreams ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9snIGfIRl1Y )

2008-07-29T08:10:00.000-07:00

3:1 For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven:

3:2 a time to be born,: and a time to die;
a time to plant,: and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
3:3 a time to kill,: and a time to heal;
a time to break down,: and a time to build up;
3:4 a time to weep,: and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn,: and a time to dance;
3:5 a time to cast away stones,: and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace,: and a time to refrain from embracing;
3:6 a time to seek,: and a time to lose;
a time to keep,: and a time to cast away;
3:7 a time to tear,: and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence,: and a time to speak;
3:8 a time to love,: and a time to hate;
a time for war,: and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes
courtesy- http://ebible.org/web/Eccl.htm

2008-07-13T20:23:00.000-07:00

..................For I have learned
To look on nature, not as in the hour
Of thoughtless youth, but hearing oftentimes
The still, sad music of humanity,
Not harsh nor grating, though of ample power
To chasten and subdue. And I have felt
A presence that disturbs me with the joy
Of elevated thoughts; a sense sublime
Of something far more deeply interfused,
Whose dwelling is the light of setting suns,
And the round ocean, and the living air,
And the blue sky, and in the mind of man,
A motion and a spirit, that impels
All thinking things, all objects of all thought,
And rolls through all things. Therefore am I still
A lover of the meadows and the woods,
And mountains; and of all that we behold
From this green earth; of all the mighty world
Of eye and ear, both what they half-create,[5]
And what perceive; well pleased to recognize
In nature and the language of the sense,
The anchor of my purest thoughts, the nurse,
The guide, the guardian of my heart, and soul
Of all my moral being.

LINES WRITTEN BY WILLIAM WORDSWORTH A FEW MILES ABOVE TINTERN ABBEY, ON REVISITING THE BANKS OF THE WYE DURING A TOUR, July 13, 1798.

2008-07-08T01:09:00.000-07:00

- Rabindranath Tagore ( thanks Barnali di who introduced me to this amazing song!)

2008-07-02T02:00:00.000-07:00

By: Ravindra Bhramar courtesy: www.geeta-kavita.com

Here, Now..........

2008-06-20T06:53:00.000-07:00

This moment is what I cherish

leaving the rest, uncertain unknown

This moment is what I hold.

Is it belief or is it escape

whatever way it comes,

All thats true is whats now here.

2008-04-16T06:38:00.000-07:00

Sudden urge to just run away........auto rickshaw stuck in traffic, my thoughts stuck somewhere else...
After swallowing lungs full of automobile exhaust, I reached at the concert by Pt. Rajan and Sajan Mishra just in time, this is my third best evening in Pune.
They started with raag Hamsadhwani followed by raag Chhayanat, inexplicable tears welled my eyes, joy of pure, pristine swaras! A prayer arose........make me a reflection of your divine joy, sat-chit-anand !!

2008-04-06T14:21:00.000-07:00

2008-04-06T14:14:00.000-07:00

Peace

Behold, it comes in might,The power that is not power,

The light that is in darkness,The shade in dazzling light.
It is joy that never spoke,And grief unfelt,

profound,Immortal life unlived,Eternal death unmourned.
It is not joy nor sorrow,But that which is between,

It is not night nor morrow,But that which joins them in.
It is sweet rest in music,And pause in sacred Art,

The silence between speaking;Between two fits of passion--

It is the calm of the heart.
It is beauty never seen,And love that stands alone,

It is song that lives unsung,And knowledge never known.
It is death between two lives,And lull between two storms,

The void whence rose creation,And that where it returns.
To it the teardrop goes,To spread the smiling form.

It is the Goal of Life,And Peace--its only home!

- Swami Vivekananda

2008-04-05T05:48:00.000-07:00

I had always loved those shores, but when they call me now, I wish to go off-shore............

Are there few lucky ones contented with everything or they have just turned a blind eye to the restless emptiness within? As I meet more and more people, I realize there is one empty corner deep inside, and everyone's trying to fill it with one thing or other in vain.........perhaps it won't vanish as long as we try to fill it by external things..............................no person, no entity from the external world can fill it, its our very own, very personal space, which only we can understand, which only we can value, unless we turn inward, it'll be there forever waiting for us.............

2008-03-23T23:35:00.000-07:00

Life purposely brings up situations which need ever-evolving our own thinking, and I guess all problems arise when we are too rigid to deviate from an externally programmed thought process that has been feeded into our brain since the day we were born. We end up coloring things black or white and never get a chance to appreciate the hues and shades.

2008-03-19T22:36:00.000-07:00

Not the eventuality, but the thought process behind

Not the dictating circumstances, but what 'you' decide

Not the gregarious persona, but the loner inside

You are what you think, and not what the life recites.......

2008-03-19T22:35:00.000-07:00

We are so concerned with what our life will 'become' that we forget what it 'is'.......

2008-03-11T00:50:00.001-07:00

-by Rabindranath Tagore

2008-03-11T00:50:00.000-07:00

Not what you aspire,
not what you anticipate,
Not even what you perceive.
Beyond the tangible,
she exists
self possessed, firm in her belief.
- on Women's Day

2008-03-11T00:43:00.000-07:00

Summer again....
Woke up with this strange but amazing feeling "who am I, where am I?!" no, I didn't dope! usually a summer afternoon nap leaves me in this bewildered state..........walked back to my room, alone, preparing khichadi for dinner (survival instinct!),blissful Raag Shyam Kedar on Sarod in background......Yet again making those 'to do' lists (I am invariably addicted to this task, but don't ask what happens to them after they are beautifully made! )
Listening to thumri by Bade Ghulam Ali Khan, feeling nostalgic, don't know exactly what I'm missing.........These days I have almost stopped listening to music, and today its like reunion with my very dear friend, but I am more sad than being happy, it reminds me of that which would never come back......those evenings at home........sandhya aarti, my riyaaz, watering the garden, paarijaat, maulshree......talking to the stars, reverberating Rabindra sangeet .......
Home, I miss you so very much.........

2008-03-11T00:42:00.000-07:00

Dilettante
The 'never appreciated' dilettante dabbled through, was it the lack of ambition and perseverance or the beckoning of the uncertain unknown ?

2008-02-22T22:00:00.000-08:00

5:30 the alarm alarmed me, snoozing it every 5 minutes exactly 12 times, I finally got up at 6:30 (sleeping inbetween for 12X3 minutes, as every time, 2 minutes got wasted snoozing). I managed to reach station at 7:10, got the ticket at 7:15 and saw the train leaving the platform just then. Disappointed I walked into the platform at 7:16. Amongst shouting and cursing 'aunties n uncles', at 7:17, I boarded the last compartment of running train.......huh!
It was crowded, the 'chai waala bhaiya' suggested me to move to the ladies compartment, then, diffusing through the entire train length, I got a comfortable seat at 7:32 !
I estimate, 9 snoozes will be just okay next time!!!

2008-02-03T03:06:00.000-08:00

Chalu.n , ki rukne ka sabab nahi
Ruku.n , ki raaho.n ki khabar nahi

2008-02-03T03:05:00.000-08:00

aadatan tum ne kar diye vaade
aadatan ham ne aitabaar kiyaa

terii raaho.n me.n baarahaa ruk kar
ham ne apanaa hii intazaar kiiyaa

-Gulzar

2008-02-03T01:59:00.001-08:00

विवशता

मैं नहीं आया तुम्हारे द्वार
पथ ही मुड़ गया था।

गति मिलि मैं चल पड़ा
पथ पर कहीं रुकना मना था,
राह अनदेखी, अजाना देश
संगी अनसुना था।
चाँद सूरज की तरह चलता
न जाना रातदिन है,
किस तरह हम तुम गए मिल
आज भी कहना कठिन है,
तन न आया माँगने अभिसार
मन ही जुड़ गया था।

देख मेरे पंख चल, गतिमय
लता भी लहलहाई
पत्र आँचल में छिपाए मुख
कली भी मुस्कुराई।
एक क्षण को थम गए डैने
समझ विश्राम का पल
पर प्रबल संघर्ष बनकर
आ गई आँधी सदलबल।
डाल झूमी, पर न टूटी
किंतु पंछी उड़ गया था।

- शिव मंगल सिंह 'सुमन'

2008-02-03T01:50:00.001-08:00

आभार

जिस-जिस से पथ पर स्नेह मिला, उस-उस राही को धन्यवाद।

जीवन अस्थिर अनजाने ही, हो जाता पथ पर मेल कहीं,
सीमित पग डग, लम्बी मंज़िल, तय कर लेना कुछ खेल नहीं।
दाएँ-बाएँ सुख-दुख चलते, सम्मुख चलता पथ का प्रसाद --
जिस-जिस से पथ पर स्नेह मिला, उस-उस राही को धन्यवाद।

साँसों पर अवलम्बित काया, जब चलते-चलते चूर हुई,
दो स्नेह-शब्द मिल गये, मिली नव स्फूर्ति, थकावट दूर हुई।
पथ के पहचाने छूट गये, पर साथ-साथ चल रही याद --
जिस-जिस से पथ पर स्नेह मिला, उस-उस राही को धन्यवाद।

जो साथ न मेरा दे पाये, उनसे कब सूनी हुई डगर?
मैं भी न चलूँ यदि तो क्या, राही मर लेकिन राह अमर।
इस पथ पर वे ही चलते हैं, जो चलने का पा गये स्वाद --
जिस-जिस से पथ पर स्नेह मिला, उस-उस राही को धन्यवाद।

कैसे चल पाता यदि न मिला होता मुझको आकुल अंतर?
कैसे चल पाता यदि मिलते, चिर-तृप्ति अमरता-पूर्ण प्रहर!
आभारी हूँ मैं उन सबका, दे गये व्यथा का जो प्रसाद --
जिस-जिस से पथ पर स्नेह मिला, उस-उस राही को धन्यवाद।

- सुमन Shiv Mangal Singh 'Suman'

2008-02-03T01:44:00.000-08:00

पंथ होने दो अपरिचित

पंथ होने दो अपरिचित
प्राण रहने दो अकेला!

और होंगे चरण हारे,
अन्य हैं जो लौटते दे शूल को संकल्प सारे;
दुखव्रती निर्माण-उन्मद
यह अमरता नापते पद;
बाँध देंगे अंक-संसृति से तिमिर में स्वर्ण बेला!

दूसरी होगी कहानी
शून्य में जिसके मिटे स्वर, धूलि में खोई निशानी;
आज जिसपर प्यार विस्मित,
मैं लगाती चल रही नित,
मोतियों की हाट औ, चिनगारियों का एक मेला!

हास का मधु-दूत भेजो,
रोष की भ्रूभंगिमा पतझार को चाहे सहेजो;
ले मिलेगा उर अचंचल
वेदना-जल स्वप्न-शतदल,
जान लो, वह मिलन-एकाकी विरह में है दुकेला!

- महादेवी वर्मा

Tranquil solitude!

2008-01-28T01:25:00.000-08:00

2008-01-22T01:11:00.000-08:00

Waves after waves washed over, could not remain aloof anymore........
drenched, overwhelmed, had to let go........

2008-01-17T02:17:00.000-08:00

There is this inherent conflict between love and life...........life runs on reasons and love knows none.........

my wonderland

2007-12-29T00:40:00.000-08:00

Was being bored by some one I don't feel like talking..........
There are hardly people I really really want to talk to, I wonder what happened to the girl who could hardly stop talking all 8 hrs at the school and 16 hrs there after at home :)
Past 4-5 years have been this, thinking, day dreaming...........not actually sharing those thoughts, and never knew when I started enjoying those lonesome moments..........
Even the slightest thought of letting go my moments with myself actually give me jitters.
As kids we have our own wonderlands, we grow up and they vanish..........but for some they exist all along..............perhaps this blog gives a glimpse of my wonderland, I don't want it to vanish, I wish to share, with all its elements closest to my heart............

2007-12-28T06:57:00.000-08:00

2007-12-25T23:55:00.001-08:00

"like a bird on a wire, like a drunk in a midnight choir, I have tried in my way to be free" - from a Leonard Cohen song

2007-12-25T05:11:00.000-08:00

this one surely speaks a thousand words!!

2007-12-25T04:52:00.000-08:00

तट पर है तरुवर एकाकी
नौक है सागर में
अंतरिक्ष में खग एकाकी
तारा है अंबर में;

भू पर वन, वारिधि पर बेडे,
नभ में उडु-खग मेला,

नर-नारी से भरे जगत में
कवि क हृदय अकेला । - Harivansh Rai Bachhan
courtesy -http://www.geocities.com/hrbachchan/

2007-12-03T02:19:00.000-08:00

Left it undisturbed,
perhaps you see it when you come.
could not wait that long,
I wish you find it when you return.

It is there,
somewhere beneath, inundated.
might need some clearing up,
I wish you want to find it when you return.